Tiny, tiny sac

Bad news - only a tiny sac was found (under a much larger placenta) - ultrascan doctor says it is about half the size it should be - and it does not look like a viable pregnancy.

My evil fibroids are looking bigger than ever - the only way he could find the evidence of my 'pregnancy' was through my tummy.

I spoke to my doctor a few minutes ago (on the train - I am sure the folk next to me were dazzled with hearing about my uterus!!) - and he wants me to keep taking the drugs for another week - next ultrascan next Friday when I will be 6 weeks and 6 days. But he wants me to prepare for the worst. He thinks I won't need a d and c and I will pass it all naturally.

I asked her on behalf of my husband what the chances of this turning into a viable pregnancy - and he said less than 10 percent.

I am kinda numb - I have known all week with my way below average betas that this was the most likely outcome - but I wanted to believe.

My lovely sister is upset - she had such hope. But I suppose we have three frozen ones to play with - once I have got over this. But I tell you I think it will be sometime before I cycle again.

Scared

It is ultrascan day - Friday 29th of May - and I am scared. It would have been my fav grandmother's 103 birthday today.

I don't want this to be over. Preg symptoms are massive but I have read that can be the placenta -nothing to do with embryo.

I am five weeks and 6 days along - so hoping despite my hugely tilted uterus they can see yolk sac and fetal pole. A heartbeat seems just too greedy.

Please universe don't let it be over.

Still in beta limbo land ****updated********

I was hoping and praying for 1000 - but did a deal that I would be happy with 850!!

Wrong wrong wrong - it was 620!! I haven't spoken to the doctor yet - but nurse says they want me to go in for a scan next Tuesday. No more blood tests - nothing.

Sounds daft to me - nurse said I may just be one of those people that doesn't confirm to the rule book.

We have gone from 13 dp - 3dt - 56, 16 dp - 3dt to 187, and finally to 20 dp - 3dt to 620.

I am going to try and speak to doctor - I want to have another blood test before then - the last thing I want is to spend a week wondering what the hell is going on.

Shit shit shit - I so wanted it to go one way or the other.

****I spoke to my doctor this evening - and he wants me to have a scan on Friday - I will be five weeks and 6 days. He said I have a 50% chance it will be fine - %40 chance it won't be and %10 chance it will be ectopic. He said the fact that it started off such a low number is the cause for worry - and has only been increasing as it should without a big spike. And oppps - I just realised I had my final beta as being on 22 dp - 3dt when it was 20 dp - 3dt - changed it now.

Step away from the computer

Thanks for all the lovely comments!

I have had two days of out of control googling and can't find a single example of someone 16 dp 3dt with a beta less than 200 that turned into a baby.

Damn it. I know, I know - it is the doubling that counts and perhaps I will be inspiration for a million women down the track or perhaps not.

I think I need to step away from the computer - and enjoy my preg symptoms and wait for Monday.

'Not out of the woods'

What a day - I was sick with fear - and finally at 3pm I got the numbers - not bad but not as good as could be.

Beta 2 at 16 dp 3dt - 187. This was up from 56 at 13 dp 3dt.

My doctor said it was a good rise but we are 'not out of the woods yet'. It seems the average for 19 dpo is 300.

Doc has increased my progesterone to 3x daily as it fell a little from Monday test.

And I have to return for another blood test this coming Monday.

My poor sister - all this suspense is doing her head in (and mine). She said today she has been waiting for years for me to ring her and say 'I am pregnant'. I guess a few more days (I hope) won't kill her.

On the symptom front my boobs have never been so sore - I get waves of what feels like a hundred needles being poked in them. I have strange light cramps - and my stomach feels like I have done millions of sit ups (trust me - I haven't).

Positive beta - but LOW

Bloody hell - I hope I am not going through another chemical. Level this morning was 56 - at 13 dp 3dt - nurse said they like to see it around 100.

Another blood test on Thursday - I think I am going to try and bring it forward to Wednesday.

Bloody helllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Any success stories gratefully received.

Count down to beta

It was only hours after my last post that the nausea and sore boobs hit me. Yet, I haven't had the metallic taste in mouth so am preparing myself for the worse. I do have hopes it has worked - and I will still be grief stricken if it doesn't.

Beta is 24 hours away... I will be 13 dp 3dt.

Too scared to POAS.

Gulp - here I am - only hours away from 10 dpo 3dt - and I can't do it. I am too scared to pee on a stick. I was sure I wasn't going to have a repeat of last time where I had my hopes up only to be dashed by a dopey insensitive nurse on beta day.

I suppose the thing is last time I felt so sick for so much of the two week wait - that I was convinced it had worked. Now I feel so mostly completely normal I JUST want to hold on to the slimmest possibility it has worked.

I may still cave in - but I have had the evil stick in my bag for two days - and I really don't want to.

Beta is 7.30am Monday morning.

Symptom watch - I felt odd yesterday, can't really put my finger on it. Really tired - more so than any other cycle or it could just be I am so much more relaxed that falling into bed at 7pm is real easy. I haven't had the sort of cramps as the last two goes.

I will keep you posted if I POAS.

7 dp 3dt -Tuesday morning at 1am

Starting to feel the pressure of peeing on a stick on Thursday - keep looking for the same signs as my chemical preg last August... but that was hardly a role model.

The one constant the 2WW always seems to deliver is being unable to sleep through the night. Once again I am having a cuppa at 1am!!

I have never had anything in the freezer before so I should be feeling relaxed about this - it is not the end of the line - there should be one more go out of 3 frozen - maybe 2 if all thaw.

Cramps have been very very mild - and I wonder if it is just from the gas (sorry TMI).

Yesterday I had a vstrange light clumpy black discharge when I wiped- I wondered if it was the progesterone pessaries mixed with old blood... but it was very black.

Anyway - the countdown is on.

4dp 3 dt

All is fine with me. I am in a more positive frame of mind - and now searching for signs.

And making the mistake of comparing to my two previous donor cycles.

Started feeling a little sick yesterday - a few days earlier than last failed cycle.

I have sore nipples on and off - but have had no cramping. I have been drinking a lot of water - getting close to the 2 litre mark - and surprisingly enjoying it. Water is usually something I have in my tea.

Went to bed last night at 7pm - and read for about an hour - but was completely exhausted. But here I am awake again at 1am.

I am going to pee on sticks this time round - cause I was so devastated by insensitive nurse giving me the bad news over the phone (you must have started bleeding she said - errrrrrrrrr no lady cause I am taking enough progesterone to sink a ship. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

I will wait until 9p 3dt before I start.

And my sister is doing fine. Tho from previous cycles - it is next week that hits her hard.

Transfer

Two 'very good' eight celled embryos were transfered yesterday. And amazingly we have two frozen embryos.

Doc says this is the best result she could have hoped for.

Sadly, transfer was nightmare. They both got stuck in the catheter not once but twice. It seems my fibroids were making it extremely difficult for her to get it in the right spot.

Doc kept saying 'it won't lessen your chances' - but I have made the mistake of googling it - and it seems pretty common knowlege that it does.

I have had 24 hours complete bed rest (the first time in my now 5 CYCLES that I have done this) and I am not planning on leaving the house today.

GROAN - why couldn't transfer have been perfect.

Please cross your fingers for me

Third time lucky!!!

This third attempt with my sister's eggs has come upon us in such a whirl - that I haven't even posted about it. Very slack.

My sis wanted to do a 'natural cycle' where she was drug free - cause she found the 'come down' so hard.

Doc managed to convince her low dose antagonisim was the go. So after only 8 days of a tiny amount of fsh - she triggered on Thursday - and had egg pick up Saturday.

We got 7 eggs - and I will hopefully have two put back in on Tuesday.

As I said in the title - let's hope it is third time lucky.