What now?!?

It has taken a few days but I am doing okay.

And I have turned my mind to 'what now'.

My Melbourne doctor said that people know when it is time to move on from IVF by a sick feeling in the pit of their gut.

For good or for bad - I don't have it.

I had a not very satisfactory debrief with Melb doctor - BUT amzingly managed to get into see old Sydney IVF doctor on Thursday - and had a much for inspiring conversation with him.

I told him about the dreadful fever and throat infection I got the day after the transfer and he put his hands over his face and said a fever is a very bad thing to happen when trying to conceive.

He said he has seen woman 8 to 10 weeks pregnant who get a fever and lose the baby.

We also talked about the possibility of doing one last cycle with my tired old eggs - and also about the possibility of doing another donor cycle with my sister with him here in Sydney.

On the plus side of doing donor cycle with my sister in Syd - is that Sydney IVF would not make us do all the counselling side of things again. And my sister could get all her scans and blood tests done in Melb - and just come up to Sydney for the pick up.

On the down side - my sister is not sure she wants to do it all again - and I am not sure it is fair on her too as well. She has said she wants to wait until after Christmas before making a decision.

I have also been looking at the donor eggs from Europe - Spain mostly.

The lovely Bee Cee sent me all her information - and I am going to investigate further.

My big reservation is that it is anonymous - and it feels like it might be a selfish act not to be able to tell a child at 18 or whenever it wants to go investigate its roots - where it has come from etc.

Maybe I can come to grips with this.

I am also thinking about quitting my job here in OZ and returning to London - as my husband still seems like he is along way from getting here. And I am really over this long distance thing.

BIG DECISIONS.

Big fat negative

I was completely gobsmacked - I really thought I had cracked it this time... that will teach me.

I just didn't have the sore boobs and funny taste in my mouth like last time.

I am completely devastated... I think that is it really - can't ask my sister to go through all that again.

I just feel numb - I am at work trying to hold it together but don't think I am going to make it through the day.

Waiting waiting waiting

I went for my beta blood test this morning (Monday) - and am currently waiting for the PHONE CALL.

One moment I feel confident it will be positive - the next moment I just think the evil progesterone is tricking me into feeling soooo confident and it will be a big fat negative.

Fingers crossed.

10 dp - 3dt

Beta is getting closer - only four more sleeps!

I have been feeling 'sick' the last few days - not just in the morning - like I often do before period - but all day. It is much like I felt just after low positive beta in August.

I am trying not to get my hopes up - as it could just be the extra dose of progesterone I am pumping into myself.

I have had quite a lot of cramping - but that's it on the symptom front.

6dp - 3dt or cramps and gass

It's Sunday in OZ and just when I thought I might escape the gass - it arrived!!

My virus has vanished - but I am still on the extra dose of progesterone each day which is not really agreeing with me. Nasty headache - which does go away partly with half a baby asprin... but is still annoying.

I had some af like cramps yesterday and today - not for long - but enough to make me wonder what is going on down there. Maybe it is just all that extra progesterone.

My beta is still 8 days away - I will be 14 dp - 3dt when I go for the blood test. Will I make it that far with out peeing??

Hey - I saw some very good news surfing the cycle sista blogs this morning - the lovely Busted is pregnant again. Her heart (and ours) broke when she lost her twins at 23 weeks earlier this year... its early days - so long may her success continue.

4 dp - 3dt

It's Friday morning and I am again awake at 3.30 - but as I spent most of yesterday in bed with a horrible throat infection - I suppose it is not that surprising that I am not that tired.

The infection hit me like a tonne of bricks on Tuesday afternoon - and needless to say - I HAD to go work on Wednesday (Tuesday US time) for the election - but I was the walking dead.

I went to the doctor Thursday - who said because of Monday transfer all he could prescribe was a few days off work and lots of fluids.

I am NOW feeling much much much better. But worry that such a strong although short lived virus (I had a real fever on tuesday night and was not even thinking straight enough to get out of bed and take a panadol - DOH!) might have killed the embryos.

My clinic has introduced a new blood test during the two week wait - they do a progesterone test on the day of transfer. They rang me on Tuesday to say mine had come up a bit low - and they wanted me to increase the dose to three times a day. I went and had another blood test yesterday and didn't hear back from them - so hope it is up where it should be.

I have not had sore boobs - so far - this time - nor any gass. Dreadful to start comparing to last time - as can only lead to pointless worry. NOTE TO SELF - no more pointless worry.

Two on board

Sorry for going AWOL.

Two embryos transferred today - one very good compacting 8 cell and one morula. I was intially quite surprised at the morula as that is supposed to happen on Day 4 rather than Day 3 - but my transfer was late this afternoon - so it almost is Day 4. The Doctor said both were great quality.

Transfer was not quite as smooth as last time. My doctor is away and even though I asked her about the bloke filling in for her - and asked if he should do a mock transfer - he had no idea about my strange shaped uterus or my fibroids or anything.

I was a bit shocked - but he did take it all on board when I told him and said he would 'do it slowly'. I was lying there trying to think happy thoughts and not 'why the hell has my doctor not briefed this man' - who did not even know I was doing a donor cycle.

I had a bit of cramping - which I didn't have last time - and a bit of feeling uncomfortable.

But I am home now - drinking lots of water - advice from evil stepmonsters doctor I think - and taking it easy.

Beta is November 17th. Oooo and we didn't end up with anything to freeze.