Snowy tuesday

I don't have much to write these days - my husband says most days he knows we need to do IVF - he says he knows he needs to say to me 'let's do IVF' - but he is scared.

I too am scared. Scared I am going to leave before he gets the courage to say it - scared I am going to explode from frustration and rage. And so much of it is rage against him. It is very bad - so how could I want to bring a baby into a relationship that some days seems like a disaster.

I know he loves me - sometime I am not sure what I feel.

I never thought it could come to this.