Negative beta...

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Everything about this FET has been easy and relaxed.

BEST clinic... BEST transfer... Most relaxed... No husband freak out.

26 year old egg...

But there we are... my beta was negative.

Is that it now? Most likely.

The WAIT....

Finally - I had my transfer yesterday (Saturday) after an agonising hour and half waiting to hear if the embryo survived. It had but had lost about 20percent of its cells (it was a blastocyst). The embryologist was positive about it - saying blastocysts often do... etc etc.

Transfer was incredibly easy - especially after some of the dreadful ones I have had.

I am now on a serious quantity of drugs - and for the first time in 7 cycles - or is it 8 - I am pleased to say - I have lost track, I am doing progesterone in oil - Gestone - and man o man is it a big needle.

I did the first one - last night - on my own - and had real problems pushing the plunger - not sure what I was doing wrong. Might have a few more goes before doing tonights.

Bit disappointed didn't get to do the IVIG - the clinic is so famous... and infamous for.... but hey they are the expects.

Very impressed with the whole operation at posh London clinic...

On a proper 24 hour bed rest - and it is back to Germany/Hubby on Monday.

Beta is 19th of July.

Final and finally FET

It has almost been a year... since I have posted. And what a dreadful year... My mum died suddenly days after my last post. And life will never be the same.

I am poised to do my final FET at very posh London clinic... the one I should have gone to in the very first place.

And good news today - my progesterone levels have risen nicely and transfer may be TOMORROW.

Slightly shocked - as am doing a 'natural' cycle - and my cycles are pretty much all over the shop these days - so I was expecting for it to be cancelled.

Having said that - I have to have another blood test tomorrow morning before they make the final decision - and my one and only frozen embryo has to survive the thaw.

But I am feeling relaxed and confident.

I am going into this relying on the experts and for the first time I haven't tried to micro manage and take charge. I am expecting to do the full monty - IVIG - and all the other bits ARGC throw at you.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Negative beta

Thanks everybody - your comments have all made me feel like I am not in this alone.

Again - sorry - I can not reply to most - especially music maker (lovely to hear from you and I have been thinking of you often) and roccie road (you are not a selfish cow)

Beta day was as expected a bastard - the highlight was the dopey nurse trying to suggest I had come in too early when I rang in the afternoon for the results. It did hit home to me again - what a mistake doing a 5 day transfer was - cause clearly the nurse seemed to have never heard of it.

Anyway - this isn't going to be a bitter rant. Perhaps I will save that for another day or anyone in London looking for good fertility clinic - contact me - and I will tell you where not to go.

My lovely donor sent me an email saying how upset she was it hadn't worked... and that she hadn't know how she would feel - but she is ready to go again - if I want.

What a girl.

And needless to say my husband is beside himself with remorse for not wanting me to put two back.

But once the dust has settled - the question will be what to do with the frozen embryo. The thought of putting anymore money in those peoples pockets truly makes me feel sick.

Anyone ever taken their frozen embryo to another clinic?

9dp5dt

I can't think of a more inspired headline - as this cycle is all over.

Beta day today - but I have peed on a stick the last two mornings - and not even a hint of a line.

I had a big cry last night- but am doing okay.

I have the one frozen embryo - but perhaps think it is time to move on.

3dp5dt

Feeling a lot more positive - sorry for the previous 'downer' posts.


Just when I was wondering if I would have any symptoms this cycle - they hit last night in a wave.

A dull super long burst of cramping - not as sharp as period pain - but of equal intensity.

Slightly sore boobs - tho now I think about it - I had them before transfer too for a bit - so thanks progesterone.

My husband says I am very 'smelly' - thanks hubby - but I know what he means - even I can smell myself.

I keep reminding myself - I have a 26 year olds egg inside me (I hope!!) - it has got to have a good chance of working.

Speaking of work - can I say how much I have enjoyed pottering around the flat - doing mostly nothing. I have spent a bit too much time googling - but hey.

We ended up with only one other explanding blastocyst to freeze - the others were too fragmented. Not a great outcome from a collection of 11 eggs - but I only want ONE baby. Please universe.

P.S

I still can't reply to anyones comments - what am I doing wrong.

What drama!

Embryo transfer went ahead yesterday - day 5 - but was not without drama - and I wish I could feel more positive.

The day 3 v day 5 issue with the clinic was easily ish resolved - and on Friday - day 2 - all ten embryos were looking good. Clinic rang again on Saturday morning - to say 6 embryos were excellent 8 cells - and the others were just a little behind.

Yesterday morning (day 5)- when I was in the shower - they left a message on my voice phone to say - embryos doing 'well' - and all was on course for 2pm transfer.

Hubby and I had talked about number to put back - and my donor being so young - and our desire not to have twins had us fixed on putting back one.

Having been through this so many times - my hubby walked me to the clinic - said goodbye out the front- and again mentioned only one.

Yes - you can guess what is going to happen.

Up in the seat - awaiting transfer - embryologist and doctor join me. 9 of the Ten are still alive - but 4 are quite so slow - and of the five at blastocyst stage only 2 are where they should be.. but even then are still a little behind - as in they had not fully expanded. Embryologist is suggesting I put back two. The doctor - who through out the whole process has been in favor of only putting one - is also suggesting two.

I briefly consider just saying yes - but with hubby's 'only one' voice in my ear - I ask if I can ring him.

So now - in my gown with bottom exposed - I am out in the corridor on my mobile - trying to convince my husband I am not trying to pull a 'swifty' (once a suspicious journalist, always a suspicious journalist - and end up with twins on purpose. 'But we had a deal - only one' - he keeps saying.

The mobile reception keeps dropping out - and I have to keep ringing him back - eventually I put him on to the embryologist - who only seems to wind him up further.

I give in - and have 'only one put back' - and am now searching for hope.

On the plus sides - the transfer was very easy - and for the first time - I got to stay laying down on the bed for 30 mins.

It is the only blastocyst - I have ever had put back inside me... even if it isn't expanded like it should be.

And I have got a week off work to chill out.

Needless to say - in the calm light of evening at home - and my less stressed explanation - my husband now keeps saying 'we should have put back two'.

I am trying not to be disappointed... and think positive thoughts.

PS - ladies who left lovely comments on my last post - I have tried to reply - but your blogs won't let me. Not sure what I am doing wrong. So forgive my rudeness.